The nosiest drum has nothing in it but air.

I do drum set in the pit for this musical coming up soon, because mr. Hannerhoff needed someone too, because a friend asked me to do this. I use Amanda’s locker. You just love to assume all of these terrible things about me.. I’m more than willing to give you everything back. I don’t want it if you are going to be bitter about it.. You need to realize that I’m still fundamentally the same person. I’m not some new guy. Some asshole. I’m not some inconsiderate dick. I’m exactly the same. Its the biggest lie that I have ever heard to say that someone has completely changed just because feelings changed.. I don’t want to deal with any drama.. I’m so done with immaturity..

… Why is it that I feel like I can explain everything in my mind so perfectly to her yet she twists it into this sick thought of me hating her. She doesn’t understand that I do still love her. Its tough on me too to not have her around, but I chose this. Yes I have thought about taking it all back and going back to her. But it wouldn’t solve anything…. Sounds cliche, but it really was me not her. And now her friends are twisting things that they see… So I have homeroom with my best friend then gym with her too…. But I shouldn’t walk with her.. I should walk alone… Those cuts on your arms sicken me… Its the worst feeling knowing they’re from me, and I wish I could tell her mom and that maybe her mom would realize that she needs to stop procrastinating… She says next time every single time, but what about the one time when their cannot be a next time? Does no one realize that its pretty damn tough for me too… And that whenever she talks to me it’s always to make me feel like a huge douche bag.. She hates me, yet she loves me… And I would still give the world to see an actual smile on her face, but that won’t happen because she doesn’t see what she is worth. She doesn’t see the beauty that she hides… Its not the she can’t, she chooses not to see it. She chooses to ignore any positive thing and only see the negative… How did she expect to ever be happy with herself if she relied on my so heavily… I remember that she once told me that if I left her she wouldn’t kill herself and that she wouldn’t cut … At least not the way she cuts now… She just needs to realize that I still love her… And that I still miss her.. And that she means so much to me regardless of what we are together…